Take A Good Look AT My Face
by Jaclyn Parker
Summary: A PC story (Post Insurrection): A much-needed confrontation after the Briar Patch and the Ba’ku mission.


Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were mine. Never going to be mine. Nuff said.  
  
Summary – A much-needed confrontation after the Briar Patch and the Ba'ku mission.  
  
Author's Note: My second P/C fic and a personal favorite. Hope you enjoy...please give feedback. No flames, please.  
  
"Take a Good Look at My Face"  
  
By Jaclyn Riker  
  
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It had been almost two months since the Enterprise had left the Ba'ku and life was back to normal. Almost. Captain Jean-Luc Picard called the second senior officer meeting in a week and waited for his officers to arrive in the ready room.  
  
CMO Dr. Beverly Crusher sighed deeply when she heard the order for senior officers to meet again. She was briefly tempted to lie and say she had a medical emergency, but stopped herself in time. She had avoided him pretty well since the whole Briar Patch affair, but unlike his dinner or breakfast requests this was one thing she couldn't turn down. Ever since they had gotten back all she had heard when she was with him had been "Anij said this..." and "Anij did that...".  
  
Beverly honestly didn't know how much longer she could take it. It wasn't as if she could talk to Deanna about it. Her empathic friend had felt her distress, but Beverly hadn't wanted to burden the woman with her feelings. Especially now that she and Will were together again. She had never seen Deanna as happy as she was now.  
  
She was the last one to arrive and sighed again, inwardly this time, when she saw that her regular seat next to Jean-Luc was still unoccupied. Beverly had hoped that maybe by being the last one someone else would have filled it, but no such luck. Jean-Luc looked up at her as she came over to take her seat and gave her a small smile, which she pretended not to see. Jean-Luc frowned at her, but shook it off and going around the table he began to ask for their reports.  
  
Beverly said that although there had been a few more cases of pregnancy than usual, she had nothing to report.  
  
Engineering Chief Lt. Geordi LaForge reported that the warp core was a off by .2 microns, which was nothing major.  
  
Lt. Commander Data reported that all systems were working fine and that they were still on schedule to stop at Earth for a week of shore leave that Federation had been promising since the Ba'ku mission.  
  
Lt. Alan Sebring reported that weapons were all online and working properly, nothing else to report.  
  
The ship's first officer Commander William Riker had nothing to report and neither did Counselor Deanna Troi.  
  
Beverly watched the two of them closely, smiling a bit when she noticed a secret glance and smile shared between them every so often. She was glad that her two friends had found each other again even if it had been because of that damn planet. At least Will hadn't fallen in love with another woman. It would have killed her to see Deanna having to go through what she was feeling right now, after the two of them had gotten so close again. As close as Beverly and Jean-Luc had gotten before this ill-timed Anij thing. Breaking from those thoughts, it took Beverly another moment to realize that Jean-Luc was speaking again.  
  
"...nothing to report then you are all dismissed. And the poker game is in Commander Riker's quarters tonight I believe?" Jean-Luc said and Will grinned.  
  
"Yup. Don't forget your poker faces." Will said and Data frowned.  
  
"I don't believe I understand, Sir. Is there some sort of mask we have to bring tonight?" Data questioned and they all laughed quietly, beginning to rise.  
  
"No, Data. It is just an expression." Beverly told him and couldn't help but smile. She felt Jean-Luc's eyes on her and when she turned towards him, she could see him smile at her. Her own smile grew tighter and she kept it there out of sheer will power. Jean-Luc's own smile faded as he noticed her strained one and she broke his gaze moving towards the door. She met up with Alan as she was leaving and he quietly asked her to dinner before the poker game. Beverly knew that he was almost 10 years her junior, but he was a sweet man with a quick laugh. Not to mention a very handsome man and one that might help her take her mind off of Jean-Luc and that woman. She gave him a bright smile and agreed, just as she heard Jean-Luc's voice call out to her.  
  
"Doctor, can I see you for a minute?" he asked and Beverly apologized to Alan, telling she would expect him around 1900. He agreed and with a lingering smile on her face turned to face Jean-Luc.  
  
"Yes, Captain?" she asked forcing her voice to stay neutral and not reflect any if the inner conflict she felt.  
  
"Doctor...Beverly, I just wanted to ask you if everything was okay?" Jean-Luc said and walked down to where she stood. He noticed the slight step backward that she took as he approached, but other than a frown on his face he neither said nor did anything to show that he had seen it.  
  
"Everything's fine, Jean-Luc." Beverly said, forcing the smile to stay on her face again.  
  
"Are you sure? Have I done something wrong? You seem upset with me." Jean-Luc said and placed his hand on her shoulder. She stiffened immediately under his touch and discreetly shifted so that his hand fell from her body.  
  
Yes I am upset with you, you bastard! You fell in love with her and not me! You fell in love with someone else...again. Beverly's heart screamed at him, but her rational mind won out.  
  
"No, of course not, Jean-Luc. I am just very tired. The shore leave will be good for me." Beverly said and he nodded at her words. He did not completely buy her story, but he didn't know what else could be wrong.  
  
"In that case, how about having dinner with me before the poker game?" Jean-Luc, shooting her a rare grin.  
  
"I am sorry, but I already have plans. Maybe next time." Beverly said and although part of her felt bad for turning him down, the other part soared as a look of jealousy flashed across his face. It was gone as quickly as it came, but she had seen it nonetheless. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work."  
  
With that and without a good-bye, Beverly turned on her heel and walked out, leaving Jean-Luc to stare after her in confusion.  
  
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Jean-Luc walked into Ten-Forward and decided to order a drink before heading to Will's cabin. He knew that Counselor Troi was there already, since Will and Deanna had dinner together every night now, and decided to let them have a few more moments of privacy. Taking a sip of his drink he heard a laugh behind him that could have only come from one person.  
  
Turning he saw Beverly laugh at something Lt. Alan Sebring said and then place her hand over top of his. She leaned forward to whisper something to him and this time it was he who laughed. She looked at him with a big smile and lifted her drink to her red lips. She flipped her hair over her shoulder as if she still had long hair and listened intently as he told her another story. Jean-Luc felt a powerful emotion when he noticed that Alan had placed his other hand over top Beverly's hand and was stroking it gently. Taking a long drink from his glass Jean-Luc let his eyes roam over Beverly, unashamedly. Her makeup was flawless as usual, neither over the top nor understated and she was wearing one of his favorite outfits. The green long sleeved shirt, with the shoulders cut out and tight brown velour pants. Tiny gold hearts with diamonds in the middle were in her ears and Jean-Luc's frown grew when he remembered he had given them to her for her last birthday.  
  
Suddenly Beverly's head turned to glance at the chronometer over the bar and she met his gaze. Her eyes widened and she gave him an immediate smile, until Alan said her name. She broke eyes with Jean-Luc and returned the smile to the man across from her. The captain cursed the other officer silently for taking away the first genuine smile she had given him in two months. Alan looked over and saw whom she had been staring at, then said something to her. It seemed to Jean-Luc like he was asking her if she wanted to invite Jean-Luc over to join them. The captain smiled and picked up his drink ready for when she agreed. However, she shook her head and said something back to Alan. The younger man looked surprised for a moment and then nodded at her. They stood simultaneously and Alan walked behind her chair to pull it out of the way for her. She gave him a brilliant smile and looped her arm through his, then without even a glance towards Jean-Luc they left Ten-Forward. Jean-Luc took the last swallow from his glass and after sitting at the bar for a moment, decided to head to Will's cabin too.  
  
Upon arrival he activated the door chime and Deanna's voice told him to come in. Jean-Luc walked in and saw only her, clearing dishes from the table. From the looks of it, the food hadn't been touched. She looked up at him and then down at the dishes in her hand, a blush creeping across her face.  
  
"Evening, sir." Deanna said softly and placed them in the compactor.  
  
"Evening, Counselor." Jean-Luc said not bothering to hide the smile he felt creep onto his face. He was thrilled that his first officer and counselor had found their way to each other again and was actually the only one who knew that Will was planning on asking Deanna to marry him at the next senior officer meeting. The smile on his face disappeared as he looked around and noticed that Beverly and Lt. Sebring were nowhere in sight. Looking up at her again he met Deanna's gaze. "Am I the first one to arrive?"  
  
"No, sir..." Deanna told him and he swallowed his relief, although he couldn't tell why he was worried in the first place. Deanna gave him an odd look and then finished what she was saying. "Will is showing Data and Geordi something that he brought back from our last shore leave on Farca in the other room."  
  
Jean-Luc felt the same emotion he had felt earlier, when Alan had held Beverly's hand, rise up again and he tried to look nonchalant as he asked, "The doctor and Lt. Sebring haven't arrived yet?"  
  
"No, sir. Actually, Beverly just informed me before you entered that they won't be coming at all." Deanna told him and was taken back by the intense emotions of jealously and anger that suddenly came from him.  
  
"I see." Jean-Luc said tersely and he seemed to be thinking hard. Deanna was about to ask him if there was anything wrong when he spoke abruptly. "I am not feeling all that well, Counselor. I think I am going to skip tonight's game. Goodnight."  
  
With that he walked back out of the room and down the corridor to the turbo lift. When Will and the others reentered the living room they found Deanna standing in the middle of the room, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.  
  
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Jean-Luc had gone back to his room, first trying to read one of his favorite books and when that failed he tried to get some work done. But no matter what he did all he could think about was that Beverly and Alan were together.  
  
"Computer, location of Doctor Crusher and Lt. Sebring." Jean-Luc said for the umpteenth time in the past four hours.  
  
{Doctor Crusher and Lt. Sebring are in Dr. Crusher's quarters}  
  
"Dammit." Jean-Luc said and slammed his fist down on the desk. "Why is he still there at 2317?"  
  
{Please restate the question}  
  
"Never mind." Jean-Luc said, irrationally annoyed at the machine for it's previous answer. Finally, after another fifteen minutes of not being able to do any work, he suddenly made a decision. Rising out of his seat and pulling down the edge of his shirt, he strode out of his quarters and made his way to one he knew by heart.  
  
Beverly was just turning down the bed and getting ready to read when her door chimed. She sighed and placed the book down on her pillow. She had only just said good-bye to Alan after they both agreed that it was better for them to just be friends. They made each other laugh a lot and had many of the same interests, but there had been no chemistry. After a polite kiss goodnight he had left, promising to read a book she had recommended, and she had taken a quick shower then dressed for bed. The door chimed again and she pulled her robe around the blue satin nightgown she wore.  
  
"Come in." she called and her eyes widened as Jean-Luc strode in, an unknown emotion written all over his face.  
  
"Jean-Luc, what's wrong?" She asked, her heart tightening at the strange look on his face. Was he hurt? She rushed over to him to place her hand on his arm in concern, her robe flying open to reveal the low cut and lacey nightgown. He looked down at her hand in silence, then his eye traveled over her body. Shivering she let go of his arm and pulling the robe around her tighter, she walked over to the food replicator.  
  
"Two cups of tea. Earl Gray. Hot."  
  
She took them and then walked over to the sofa, placing the cups down on the coffee table. Beverly motioned for him to sit in the armchair across from her and still not saying a word he took a seat. After taking a sip of tea, he looked up into her concerned blue eyes with his determined hazel ones and spoke.  
  
"I want to know why you are angry with me. Why you have been avoiding me these past two months." Jean-Luc said and she frowned at him.  
  
"I told you that I wasn't..." she started, but he raised a hand to stop her and shook his head.  
  
"Beverly, you are my best friend. I have known you longer than anyone on this damn ship. I know when you are upset. I know you." Jean-Luc said and Beverly's eyes softened for a moment looking at him intently.  
  
"Do you, Jean-Luc? Do you really?" She asked him quietly and he looked at her in confusion. She sighed deeply and then said, "What makes you think that I have been avoiding you?"  
  
"You won't eat breakfast or dinner with me anymore, yet you will eat dinner with a man almost ten years younger than you." Jean-Luc said and when he saw the anger flare up in her eyes he hastily continued. "I am not saying that I am surprised that you two like each other. He is a handsome young man and you are as amazingly beautiful as when I first met you."  
  
The anger dissipated in her gaze and the same blue eyes that he had grown to love met his hazel ones.  
  
"Jean-Luc, just because I don't want to dine with you and I have a social life doesn't mean..." Beverly began, but he interrupted her.  
  
"That's not all. You shy away from my touch. You can't stand to be a room alone with me. And every time I smile at you, you either look away or give me a look as if you wanted to sic a razor beast on me. I just want to know why. Everything was fine until Ba'ku." Jean-Luc finished and at the mention of the planet they had just left behind, her eyes flashed again. "Is that it? Did something happen on Ba'ku that you don't want to talk about?"  
  
"Jean-Luc, it is late. I think you should go." Beverly said and looked away from him.  
  
"No." Jean-Luc said firmly and she whipped her head around to look at him in astonishment.  
  
"What did you just say?" Beverly asked him incredulously.  
  
"I said no. I am not leaving." Jean-Luc said and Beverly stood swiftly.  
  
"That's what I thought you said." Beverly said her tone quieter than he would have liked.  
  
"I am not leaving until you tell me what is wrong. It is what friends do. " He told her and she was still silent as he sat there watching her. "Anij once said to me..."  
  
Suddenly she whirled around to face him, her eyes blazing and fists balled up by her sides.  
  
"Don't say her name again! I don't give a damn what she said to you. Do you understand me?" She screamed at him as he looked at her in amazement. "Now get the hell out of my quarters!"  
  
"What in hell...?" Jean-Luc said and then he stood too. "Beverly what has gotten into you? What in the world could Anij done to you? She was one of the sweetest, most gentle..."  
  
"Jean-Luc, shut up!" She told him and he looked at her in surprise. It was then that he noticed tears in her eyes and took a step towards her, only for her to back up at the same time. "Don't you get it yet? She took you from me. You fell in love with her and left me alone again, Jean-Luc. Did it ever even occur to you that while your feelings for her were being enhanced on that planet, mine for you were doing the same thing? That I am...was in love with you?"  
  
Jean-Luc's eyes widened as he began to understand what she was saying.  
  
"Beverly, I didn't think you still felt that way. You were the one who said..."  
  
"I know what I said, Jean-Luc, and I also told you why I said it. And that was almost 3 years ago." Beverly said and he frowned at her.  
  
"Why didn't you say anything since then?" Jean-Luc said and she turned away from him to look out the window at the millions of stars passing them.  
  
"Many reasons, a main one being what happened with you when Q showed you the future. You said you saw us married and then divorced, ending with you dying. I was afraid that I would lose you if I said anything. If I told you how I felt would we end up apart anyway? I kept thinking that if we just stayed friends, I wouldn't have to go through the pain of loving you and then losing you like I did Jack."  
  
"Beverly, I never knew..." Jean-Luc tried to express what he was feeling, but discovered that he couldn't find the words. "I don't know what to say. "  
  
"Jean-Luc, please leave." Beverly suddenly said, her anger spent and emotional pain replacing it. Jean-Luc looked at her in surprise.  
  
"What?" He asked, now the one to be incredulous. "You just told me you loved me and you want me to leave?"  
  
"Yes." she said and he heard the pain and raw emotion in her voice. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened, but he refused to let her go. Turning her around he saw the tears falling down her face and felt his heart break.  
  
"Beverly." he said and she let out a small cry.  
  
"Please, let me go. Just leave me alone." She said and he pulled her to him, crushing her to his chest.  
  
"The hell I will," he whispered to her before kissing her with all the emotion he had felt for her all these years. He felt her resist for a full second before melting to his body and wrap her arms around his neck, kissing him back fully. They kissed passionately for a long while, occasionally coming up for air before attacking each other's mouth again. Finally Jean-Luc pulled away first and grinned when he looked at Beverly's kiss swollen lips and desire filled eyes.  
  
"I don't want to rush you or anything." He said and she laughed, taking his hand and leading him into her bedroom.  
  
"Jean-Luc we have had over 20 years of foreplay. I don't think we are rushing it." Beverly told him and he laughed as she fell back on the bed, pulling him down on top of her.  
  
"Well, we can take our time now Mon Coeur." Jean-Luc whispered into her ear as she rubbed her legs up and down his, her head thrown back in passion. "We have the rest of our lives."  
  
THE END 


End file.
